NARA--Tetsuya Yamagami, the man accused of murdering former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, expressed remorse for his actions but explained in detail the years of hardship and desperation leading to the event.

Yamagami, 45, took the stand on Nov. 20 for the first time since his trial started at the Nara District Court on Oct. 28.

He has admitted to the murder charge.

But his defense team, seeking leniency, is arguing that Yamagami is himself a victim of “religious abuse,” namely his mother’s devotion to the Unification Church, now called the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification.

In the nine hearings of the trial so far, glimpses of Yamagami’s family environment have been revealed through testimony of family members.

Yamagami’s mother told the court that her activities with the church helped to “cleanse” the irritations she felt in life. She also said she remains a member of the church.

His sister testified that the religious group “destroyed our family.”

On Nov. 20, it was Yamagami’s turn to express his views.

The defendant, dressed as usual in a black long-sleeved shirt and beige pants, leaned toward the microphone and spoke in a low, hoarse voice.

“I feel I should have been dead before my actions could cause such immense harm,” Yamagami said.

He spoke haltingly, appearing to carefully consider the meaning of each question posed by his defense team.

A defense lawyer referred to the time in Yamagami’s childhood when a Unification Church member visited their home and asked his mother, “Is your family doing well?”

Yamagami said he was in the second grade of junior high school when he learned that his mother had entered the church.

“Until then, how was your life?” his lawyer asked.

“I think I had no problems,” he answered.

“And after your mother entered the religion?” the lawyer asked.

The defendant answered, “I felt my view of life and the way I think fundamentally changed.”

GRANDFATHER, BROTHER OPPOSE CHURCH

Yamagami recalled playing with his brother and father on the second floor of the company housing.

When Yamagami was 4, his father committed suicide, and his loving grandfather started taking care of the family, the defendant said.

His older brother, who was prone to illness, invited friends to the home, and Yamagami would play video games and Mini 4WD cars with them.

Hit by repeated misfortunes, his mother entered the Unification Church and believed that donations were “the way to make the family better.”

However, his grandfather strongly admonished his mother over her church activities. He once picked up a knife during a family meeting and warned, “Our entire fortune will be donated.”

He shut the mother out of the home, but after she repeatedly knocked on the door, Yamagami let her inside.

“And when my grandfather asked who opened the door, I kept quiet,” Yamagami told the court. “I became sick and tired of everything.”

Yamagami went on to attend a prominent local high school, where he joined the cheering squad as an afterschool club activity.

“I had the image of unreasonable hierarchies in cheering squads. I thought that enduring such a thing would serve as training because my own family situation felt just as unreasonable,” he said.

Yamagami said his older brother also opposed his mother’s involvement with the church and had even hit her.

“What was your stance?” the lawyer asked.

“Because household financial matters are something children don’t understand, it didn’t feel real, and I didn’t know what to do,” he said.

DIFFICULT TO SEEK HELP

When his high school classmates were preparing to enter universities, Yamagami was “forced” to go to a local facility of the Unification Church by his mother.

He said he told a teacher during career counseling sessions that his mother was devoted to the church. But at the time, he did not know the full extent of her involvement.

For example, Yamagami testified, he was unaware that his mother not only donated his father’s life insurance to the church but also sold their home.

It was difficult for him to seek help at that time, he said.

In his third year of high school, when his grandfather died, Yamagami wrote that his dream was to become “a pebble” in the graduation album because he thought nothing good would happen in his future.

His older brother unexpectedly expressed a desire to enter higher education, saying, “I have the right to do what I want to do.”

But given the family’s increasingly dire financial situation, it was assumed that someone would have to give up the pursuit of further studies.

“I was very dissatisfied,” Yamagami said. “I was being used by both my mother and brother.”

Yamagami’s grandfather died in 1998 when he was 18 years old. The mother donated his inheritance money to the church.

After graduation, Yamagami joined the Maritime Self-Defense Force. Often, when he returned from missions or exercises, he received a phone call from his mother asking for money.

In 2004, two years after he joined the MSDF, he learned about his mother’s bankruptcy.

He thought her situation came about because he had refused to give her money. At the same time, he thought his mother, who was proud and concerned about what others thought of her, must have been deeply shocked.

The following year, in 2005, Yamagami, weary of being forced into unwanted roles because of his family, attempted suicide.

“If my father were alive, or if we still had his life insurance, the situation would have been different. I thought I should kill myself like my father did, leaving behind life insurance,” he said.

Four months after the suicide attempt, the Unification Church returned some of the mother’s donations.

“I felt relieved,” Yamagami said.

But that feeling did not last.

His older brother killed himself in 2015.

FIRST TESTIMONY

According to the investigation, Yamagami learned Abe’s schedule and fatally shot the former prime minister with a homemade shotgun at an election campaign rally in Nara in July 2022.

He told investigators he targeted Abe because of his ties to the Unification Church.

Yamagami displayed no visible emotion during his testimony on Nov. 20.

Four more sessions with Yamagami in the witness box are scheduled until Dec. 4.

The next one will be held on Nov. 25, when prosecutors will question him.

(This article was written by Ko Sendo and Minami Endo.)