A married couple’s perpetual fights led to their separation and continued even after divorce proceedings.

But they have found one thing they can agree upon: their gratitude toward nonprofit organization Kodomo Station.

The NPO in Fukuyama, Hiroshima Prefecture, is one of a limited number across Japan that arranges child visitations for divorced and separated couples, particularly those from abusive relationships.

Demand has grown for these services since 2012, when such family exchanges were clearly and legally defined in the Civil Code.

The number of requests for arranged visits is expected to grow further with additional legal revisions and the spreading belief that children are better off with both parents in their lives.

Kodomo Station set up a schedule that has appeased the bickering parents in their 30s and their 3-year-old son.

One Saturday morning in December, Shinobu Okuno, 61, head of Kodomo Station, saw the mother greeting staff members at the office while chasing after the boy.

The parents parted ways in summer 2021 following divorce arbitration talks. The mother gained custody of the child while the father was allowed to see his son for one hour a month.

The NPO serves as a liaison between the pair who rarely communicate with each other without their lawyers present.

The woman said she and her ex-husband often quarreled loudly about work and their in-laws. Their fighting often got out of control, and the home environment became toxic.

After their divorce, they believed they would argue about the father’s visits with the son, putting additional stress on all family members.

The father learned about Kodomo Station and suggested to his former wife that they try the service.

On that December morning, the mother left the boy at Okuno’s office before heading out at 9:40 a.m.

“I feel safe here because third parties watch us,” the mother said.

After her ex-husband showed up, he expressed his gratitude to Kodomo Station for making it “possible to spend time with my kid.”

In the early days, the boy cried at the sight of his father’s face. But the son gradually opened up following repeated visits.

The father noticed his child was relaxed whenever he showed up because Kodomo Station staffers played with the boy until the meeting time.

The man gave a toy gorilla as a Christmas present to his son, drawing a joyful “super happy” response. They both crouched, looked at each other and smiled.

Okuno and another staff member monitored the interactions from a corner of the room. They occasionally recorded on a computer that the boy was enjoying the session.

The man left the room as the meeting time ended at 11 a.m.

SAFETY PRECAUTIONS

Okuno had earlier operated a facility that provides support programs to households with small children.

She started the parent-child exchange initiative in 2014 after meeting a woman who had divorced her abusive husband.

The mother said she had to “leave my child at a supermarket parking lot alone until my ex reaches there” for court-ordered interaction sessions.

Okuno learned that family courts can grant divorced spouses the right to see their children, even if allegations of domestic violence and abuse are raised during arbitration negotiations.

Through trial and error, Okuno decided to have at least two staff members stay in the same room as the parent-child meeting.

Currently, 39 families with children ranging from 1 to high school age in and outside Hiroshima Prefecture use Kodomo Station.

“Promises for safety and security” appear on a wall of the meeting space, such as no yelling, hitting or kicking.

Children who visit Kodomo Station are expected to read the rules not only to discourage misbehavior but also to let them know that they themselves “should not be subjected to physical abuse.”

“We are forging ahead from the standpoint of providing assistance to children from households marked by domestic violence,” Okuno said. “Our hope is that children will become able to express what they hate instead of fearing adults.”

LITTLE PUBLIC SUPPORT

In 2022, family courts received 12,876 requests for arbitration on parent-child meetings, up 50 percent from 2011.

Takashi Kumagai, a psychology professor at Wako University who once served as a family court investigator, expressed concerns about courts ordering meetings despite allegations of domestic violence.

However, he stressed how important interactions with parents are for children.

“Children can realize they are loved by their fathers and mothers if the parents respect their kids’ wills and cooperate to create chances for exchange meetings,” Kumagai said.

Advocacy groups are expected to seek arrangements that enable children to tell others every time they feel uncomfortable during the meetings.

Although requests for parent-child meetings will increase, only 57 support organizations in Japan are listed on the Justice Ministry’s website. Many are heavily dependent on volunteers because of insufficient public funding.

“Publicly run mechanisms, such as the state allocating a specialized budget and commissioning bodies with proven track records to arrange, are essential,” Kumagai said.

(This article was written by Akari Uozumi and Ryo Miyazaki.)