Former Johnny & Associates member Koji Nagato clearly remembers Johnny Kitagawa's stern voice over the phone after he rejected his sexual advance in a hotel room. 

“You were rude,” the entertainment agency founder said. The tone of his voice was calm, but it was obvious Kitagawa was angry.

Nagato, now 40, said many of those who had been sexually abused by the late founder dared not speak out due to their fear of losing the chance to debut in retaliation. 

The call came after Nagato escaped from abuse by Kitagawa in the autumn of 2000 when the junior was in his fourth year at the talent agency.

Nagato was staying in a hotel and preparing to perform in a TV show the next morning. 

Kitagawa offered to give Nagato a massage and told him to lie down on the bed. Nagato had maintained his distance from Kitagawa since he was sexually abused by him shortly after joining the agency.

Nagato thought he would get a job if he accepted the abuse, but he questioned whether he could continue to endure it. That night, he told himself that this would be the last time he would put up with it.

Kitagawa’s hand entered his underwear. Feeling disgusted, Nagato pushed Kitagawa away and ran out of the room while wearing pajamas. He walked for three to four hours in his slippers to home. 

The angry phone call came just after the incident.

Nagato continued attending lessons for about a month. But gigs or assignments never came his way again.

He thought the agency treated him coldly and unfairly because he rejected Kitagawa. Nagato ended up leaving Johnny & Associates.

“I thought the agency treated me unfairly but other Johnny’s Jr. members around me were enduring it,” Nagato said. “I blamed myself for not being able to accept the abuse.”

A third-party investigative panel concluded in late August that “at least hundreds of juniors were abused” by Kitagawa, who died in 2019 at age 87 without being held accountable for his actions.

Not many of those former juniors have told their stories amid the lingering scandal.

TORN BETWEEN ABUSE AND GRATITUDE

Those who have gone public said they felt uncomfortable and repelled by Kitagawa's abuse, while many expressed gratitude toward the agency founder.

Kauan Okamoto, 27, who came forward and allowed his real name to be used, is one of them.

“I still hold appreciation to Johnny-san. Thanks to him, my life changed,” he said at a news conference held at the Foreign Correspondents’ Club of Japan in April.

Actor and dancer Yasushi Hashida, 37, who claimed he was sexually abused at age 13, said, “Aside from the sexual abuse, Johnny-san was a really nice person. I feel respect and gratitude toward him.”

Why do victims express “gratitude” to their abuser?

Satomi Kameoka, deputy head at the Hyogo Institute for Traumatic Stress and a psychiatrist, said, “It is not uncommon for people who were sexually abused to have positive feelings toward their abusers.”

This can occur even in cases of abuse by parents, teachers or sports coaches.

“Kitagawa wanted to promote juniors and the boys wanted to become successful. Their motivations all were aligned,” Kameoka said.

“In the context of a community with a shared destiny, actions by someone with overwhelming power are often seen as necessary and justified for success,” she said.

For Johnny's Jr. members, Kitagawa was the domineering authority figure who made all decisions from recruiting to debuting and producing.

Chihoko Unno, a professor at Hyogo University of Teacher Education who specializes in clinical services for child abuse response, said, “‘Gratitude’ may be one of their defensive reactions to maintain their self-esteem and distance themselves from the fact that they were sexually abused.”

Males are inherently less likely to admit being sexually abused and report it.

The fear of retaliation and feelings of gratitude toward the powerful figure made it even more difficult for Johnny's Jr. members to come forward.

Okamoto told The Asahi Shimbun, “Since I appreciate (Kitagawa), I can’t speak out (about the abuse).”

“Even when you’re beaten by your parent, you don’t want to tell other people about it, right? I think my feelings (for Kitagawa) are similar to this,” he said.

“I was sexually abused by the person who raised me. But that does not mean all the gratitude I’ve had disappears,” he said.

Okamoto added, “If I held a grudge about everything (Kitagawa did), I would feel like I’m trash. I want to separate the two things for my own sake.”

The third-party panel said that these relationships were the result of being entangled in a clever “trap” set by Kitagawa within the power structure to take advantage of his position of authority.

“Regardless of any gratitude, a sexual abuser’s actions should not be tolerated and cannot be forgiven,” Kameoka said.

(This article was written by Amane Shimazaki and Maki Okubo, senior staff writer.)