Photo/Illutration Harumichi Saito (Asahi Shimbun file photo)

“My sense of desolation hit a peak when I was 14,” photographer Harumichi Saito says in a short essay.

Titled “Kodoku kara Mebuku Kotoba” (literally, "words that sprout out of loneliness"), the essay is full of sad words.

“I was unspeakably lonely,” he recalls.

He was insulted behind his back or ignored by his classmates, and his belongings had been stolen.

Because he was hearing impaired, he had difficulty catching what his teachers and peers were saying.

But out of pride, he was determined to “act like someone who could hear” and never allowed himself to admit that he didn’t understand.

Conversations just didn’t click and became sparse over time.

“At the time, the classroom was my living hell,” he notes.

He wanted to disappear, or to die, thinking what a relief that would bring. And he firmly held on to that “wish” as “the trump card that can be used only once.”

His salvation came when he felt he couldn’t go on anymore and “fled” from his regular school to a school for the deaf.

There, he started learning sign language—which he’d avoided until then—and found that words did not have to be auditory.

He was so thrilled, he recalls, that the world began to look like “something with potential.”

Suicides by children are said to be on the increase. Last year, a record 527 elementary, junior high and high school pupils took their own lives. In particular, there were 163 suicides among junior high school students, 10 more than the year before. 

Why? It breaks my heart to imagine that any young person had to battle their own “hell” in vain.

“Please flee,” urges Saito, who has survived his own hell on earth. His advice is firm but ever compassionate.

Once you’ve fled, you will find “words” that will save you, even though you don’t yet know them.

“Be brave, take your time and be sure to run away.”

—The Asahi Shimbun, Jan. 31

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Vox Populi, Vox Dei is a popular daily column that takes up a wide range of topics, including culture, arts and social trends and developments. Written by veteran Asahi Shimbun writers, the column provides useful perspectives on and insights into contemporary Japan and its culture.

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